Episode 52 Shownotes - Obstacles to Weight Loss
Well, hey, my friends. I hope you are well and enjoying spring. I guess some of the places people listen to me, it is already trending towards summer! We are wrapping up the school year in my family. My 3 older boys are studying for finals and in that high school crunch time. It is so interesting watching teenagers – I really see how our brains create our experiences. I have one who is pretty matter of fact – this is the work I have to do, and I will just buckle down and do it. I have one who is really driven, but also has a lot of brain drama. He spends a significant amount of time each day telling me how much there is to do, that he isn’t sure he can get it done, it is hard, and so on (while his sibling is just upstairs and cranking it out). Then I have one who is a bit of a procrastinator. He doesn’t think about it, or talk about it, or do it, until he is at the last moment. They all get it done, but all have very different experiences of doing it. I find these things continue into adulthood, and we continue to play out these pathways in how we live our lives. So, believe it or not, I am a cross between the first (just crank it out and get it done) and the third, professional procrastinator. I know so many podcasters who have MONTHS of podcasts recorded and ready. I, on the other hand, am the queen of writing next week’s podcast during the week, recording it on my Thursday off, and editing it Sunday night. Part of my brain wants to tell me I am doing it wrong, but the truth is, it works and I am not unhappy with the system.
So this brings me to today’s topic. How are our built in systems keeping us overweight? As you start to lose weight, what challenges will you need to face and overcome? If we aren’t prepared for the challenges, if we haven’t brainstormed the ways to address them, we will often be derailed by them. I just finished a great webinar on Post-Cancer weight gain. If you missed it, you can request it on my website – I will link it in the show notes. In the webinar, we talk a lot about insulin and how this relates to weight. I go over how cutting back on flour and sugar helps to reduce food cravings and start to allow you to better sense when you are full and when you are physically hungry. But as we get into losing weight, one thing is clear. We HAVE to stop using food to solve problems other than hunger and fueling our bodies. This is actually the toughest part of weight loss. So often, without help, we are even completely unaware of how we are using food or alcohol to try to solve problems. I am going to talk today about some common places I see this, and also some other pitfalls you may need to avoid.
So let’s start with understanding where our brains are focused. Evolutionarily, our brains want to maximize pleasure, minimize pain and be efficient. This, in psychology work, is called the Motivational Triad. This makes total sense, right? Avoiding pain in the past meant not damaging your body in ways that were challenging to fix. Seeking pleasure meant that we tried to keep our bodies at a good temperature, ate foods that gave us energy and tasted good, and reproduced to create more humans. Being efficient meant that we had time for things that furthered humanity, inventing, creating, entertaining. But in modern society, this backfires on us. There is SO much pleasure available easily, and relatively less physical pain for many of us. You may dispute that, having been through surgery, chemotherapy and radiation, but I am speaking more about society as a whole. Many of us are not fighting off wild animals, hunting and gathering for food, or battling for territory. In modern day, so much more of our pain is EMOTIONAL. We feel upset about the political climate, we worry about medical diagnoses and what they mean, we feel bad when we aren’t invited to a party, we are angry about something our boss said. There is still an equal amount of pain, it just comes in a different form. But our brains are still programmed to seek pleasure and avoid pain. So, when we feel uncomfortable emotions, our brains are hardwired to try to make it better. And over years and years, many of us have learned that if we eat something tasty, or drink a beer, that unpleasant emotion goes away for a while. This is because those types of treats release dopamine in our brains. High calorie things actually release MORE dopamine than regular foods do, and this is also for an evolutionary reason. In the past, when food was hard to get, a source of food with a lot of calories actually could help us survive. So our brains prioritized it, and made us like it and think it was important. Because when you are actually hunting and gathering for food, sometimes there won’t be enough, and having eaten those high calorie things can make the difference! But back to eating to feel better - this is sometimes called buffering our feelings. The thing about using something external to decrease our feelings, though, is this: THEY ALWAYS COME BACK and now we also have the negatives that our pushing them down brought. Maybe you are eating or drinking because you are afraid of a recurrence. You might not even KNOW how worried you actually are, because as soon as the feeling rears its head, you put something in your mouth to distract you. So, the worry is still there, but now your weight is up, and you have actually increased the risk of what you are worried about happening, since our body fat drives processes that increase risk! As we start to work on our weight, often the first thing to go is the sugary, flour filled treats that gave us a dopamine hit and made us feel better. And now, all the things you were suppressing come up. If you attribute all of the bad feelings to the change in your eating, you can see how very quickly you can think the change is depriving you and lead to you going back to eating what makes you feel better.
What we need to understand is that those feelings were always there, always in the background, always causing problems, we just weren’t aware of them. So now we see them, and we are like “oh, sh!t, look at this mess! Ok – let’s take a second here and understand something. Our feelings are just a sensation in our body. They CAN NOT ACTUALLY HURT US! Only what we do to avoid them can actually physically hurt us. But what to do with these emotions? I have talked about this a lot of times in the past. We have to allow them to be there without trying to force them down or push them away, just accept, “oh, this is what I am feeling right now. It is ok. Nothing is going wrong. It will pass when it is ready” and the other is digging into our brains to see what thoughts are creating the feelings and working to change them to thoughts that create better feelings and drive better actions. This is really easy to say and REALLY TOUGH to actually DO. It is 100% easier with help. I know I tell you guys this all the time, but journaling helps. Getting the thoughts out where we can see them. And understanding that ALL THOUGHTS are optional. If you think your only option after cancer is to worry about recurrence, PLEASE reach out for help – to the social workers on your team, to others on my FB group, to a coach or your doctor. There are other TRUE thoughts that are options for you.
We know we may be eating to feel better after cancer, but let’s look at some other common things people use food for. SO MANY people ask food to make life exciting. Our life might seem a little boring – all work, no play, and we may be depending on food to literally “spice things up”. Ok – this needs a lifestyle mindset shift. Instead of looking to food to make life entertaining, look to food to fuel you to live an exciting life. Eat foods that make you feel good and have good energy, then create the excitement in your life in other ways. Through meaningful interactions with people in your life, with your hobbies and activites. If you are currently just working, eating and watching Netflix, of course your brain thinks it NEEDS food for fun. Let food be a little more boring on a daily basis and brainstorm how to make your ACTUAL LIFE a bit more interesting. Second, people often look to food or alcohol to make things “easier”. Tough day at work? A glass of wine will take the edge off. Fight with your spouse? A piece of cake will make that feel better. Food should not be your easy button. Actually dealing with your brain drama should be your go to. Control what your brain is telling you. Again – get those thoughts out of your head and onto paper. When we try to use food or alcohol as the easy button, it actually makes things harder. Too much flour or sugar, or alcohol will often negatively affect how you sleep, increasing the odds that tomorrow is another rough day. They increase mood swings, which can increase the odds of arguing with a spouse, they add to weight issues, which can lead to more problems with self image. Another thing I see surprisingly commonly in today’s society is a huge resistance to feeling bored. Since when was bored such a huge problem? When we were kids, it lead to some of our grandest adventures – in the woods, with sticks for swords, playing out the C.S. Lewis’ The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe or Peter Pan. When we were in college, it lead to crazy combo Frisbee Drinking games, gatherings on the lawn with friends, trying to sled down the stairs on cafeteria trays or impromptu road trips. (I have to admit – I didn’t do the stair sledding, that was all my husband and his fraternity). Now, when we are bored, we eat or grab our phones. Maybe we DON’T pick up food or the phone when we are bored, and see what else our brain finds to entertain us. Same is true with other emotions like loneliness, feeling unmotivated, blue, restless. Instead of asking food to fix them, let your brain go to work to find ways to fix them that don’t have negative consequences.
We have covered the first big challenge – the emotional aspect. The second thing I see people struggle with is really committing to planning ahead. I want you to understand – our brains have 2 parts – the upper brain, which is the part that can plan, problem solve, invent and create, and the more instinctive part, which is all about that motivational triad. We need to use our upper brain more when we are working on weight loss. It is very good at setting goals, understanding the steps and making decisions for the future good. The best way to use that part of our brain is to PLAN WHAT WE WANT TO EAT IN ADVANCE. This means sitting down at least 24 hours in advance and planning. Now, let me clue you in. The instinctive part of the brain is NOT going to want to eat what you planned in the moment. It will think “it isn’t what I really want” or “that sound boring” or “that is way too much work”. So – two things need to happen. You need to train your planning brain to be realistic and plan things you will want to eat, meaning don’t plan a dry chicken breast and lettuce, or the instinctive brain will give the planning brain the finger and convince you to pick something else. Plan things that will taste good, appeal to you AND fuel your body well. Next, when the instinctual brain kicks up a fuss, know that these compulsions to eat things you didn’t plan are NORMAL and NOT DANGEROUS. It is like dealing with a toddler who wants a candy bar. Of course you want the candy bar, but what we are going to eat is this delicious meal of roasted veggies and salmon, and I promise, you will enjoy it. Allow the urge to be there – don’t try to force it down, don’t try to push it away, and don’t decide to act on it. It will go away on its own in 10-15 minutes, often times, even sooner. If you find it keeps getting worse, you are trying to force it down or avoid it. Recapping – know that our negative emotions make us want to eat to feel better, but we don’t have to use that technique to feel better, and second, leverage your human brain to plan what to eat that will help you achieve your goals, then stick to the plan when the time comes. One of the complaints I hear is “I want to be spontaneous and planning ahead ruins it”. This thought for sure will make you feel resistant to planning and deprived in the moment. This is your instinctive brain trying to keep control, and have you eat what FEELS GOOD IN THE MOMENT. As you work to strengthen your planning brain, this will become easier. A thought when you notice yourself thinking this: “Oh, I see that old, outdated programming coming up. That isn’t how we function now. Now I plan ahead to have food that tastes good AND fuels my body and my goals”. No need to argue with your brain, just notice the thought, then consciously think the new thought. Some other challenging thoughts that part of our brain may offer up that create desire: “I just want it” or “it looks delicious”. Adding a “but” thought to that can help. “I want it, but I want to meet my goals even more” or “it looks delicious, but it won’t make me feel awesome”.
Finally, one of the common things that can derail you is your brain trying to conserve energy, which is a really nice euphemism for feeling lazy. This is when we deal with our thoughts and feelings, make a plan for something healthy to eat, and then just in the moment don’t want to do it. For sure, this will happen. Doing everything you can ahead of time to make things as easy as possible helps. Plan well, make sure you have all of your ingredients ahead of time so aren’t having to run out to get things. Some people find some weekly prepping on Sunday helps. But also, you want to have back up plans for days like this. Meaning, a healthy alternative from a few local restaurants. A few options that can be delivered. A few quick pick up meals from the grocery store. It will be much easier to stay on your healthy plan if when you decide not to cook, it isn’t cook or get a pizza, it is cook or get a prepared salad delivered. Let your in the moment brain know even if we don’t cook, we still aren’t getting the pizza!
Finally, plan a food each week that is to be eaten just to bring joy. Plan this joyful treat 24 hours in advance ONLY. One per week, two once you make your goal weight. This helps to allow you to occasionally have things just because you like them and helps to keep us from the drama of “I’ll never get to have bagels again!” or whatever your brain is moaning about.
The final suggestion this week is your homework. Write down 15 things that could derail you. The excuses you might use to go off your plan. How you will justify last minute changes, or what you might think that promotes following our urges. Then brainstorm how you can deal with those situations. Maybe it is “I don’t want to plan on weekends”. Ok – I will pick 3 options on plan from the restaurant and any of them is ok. Or – I can get an on plan option from any of my 5 pre-approved take out spots. Maybe the challenge will be “I will get discouraged when the weight loss isn’t quick and that will lead me to quitting”. Maybe the answer to that is “I will remind myself that it is common for there to be plateaus, and if I stop following the plan, the big drop I would see in the next few weeks will not come”. Only you know what your challenges will be and how you can overcome them, so take some time and really dig into this.
Alright, friends, have a great week and I will talk to you soon!
